fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
