So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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