So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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