are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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