i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize