we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
