i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
even my farts smell like vagina
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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