He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
