someone threw a dead crab at me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
