i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
