I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize