forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
