Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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