Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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