we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
