so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This is the high leading the old right now
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
