but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
