Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
