ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
