this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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