I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
