just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
