Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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