She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
