So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
