the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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