i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
