dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
