Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I AM VODKA MAN
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
