look no pants
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
