OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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