i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
