Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
