Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
