It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
