I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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