Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
