Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
