areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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