Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
