i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
