At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
FUCK WHALES
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
