Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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