i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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