so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize