we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
