I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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