Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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