you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
