Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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