Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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