If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
