he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
