Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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