Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
