dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize