Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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