He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
