True but thats because hes a fetus.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
