I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
All the doctor said was why
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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