I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize