Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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