i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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