So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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