Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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