What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
