Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
