He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
