My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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