Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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