Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
