Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
