Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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