I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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