I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
