the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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