your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
