How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize