we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
